WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
