I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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