We're facebook friends in real life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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