she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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