I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
