Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
