if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
