he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
