the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
