Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
