He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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