There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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