If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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