Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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