Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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