and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
