One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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