Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
