im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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