Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
