Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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