Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
