i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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