The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
