I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
