My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
