bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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