I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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