It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
