Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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