Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
