True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
