i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
