I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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