so explain again why im purple
no
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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