R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
