Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
