"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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