ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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