apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
