There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
