Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just found out that she named her cat after me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
