I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
