Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
