i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
