You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
