Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
