My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize