Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
