your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think my tv is drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
