dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
