bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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