Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
