Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize