Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
