i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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