after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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