It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
