Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
