she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
