My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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