I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
