So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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