he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
